I had a solo session with our marriage counselor today over ..
🕑 Added 2021-10-05 03:57:33 +0000 UTC
I had a solo session with our marriage counselor today over zoom.
She asked to do this last week. Said it was to assess the impetus in what she described as my quasi-reckless behavior.
She articulated that, as between my husband and myself, it’s my behavior that is creating the most tension in our relationship. That’s not to say there aren’t other factors at play, but she thinks there may be some benefit in determining whether there’s a possible physical/hormonal component to it.
The call was scheduled as a 50 minute session and ended up lasting almost two full hours.
Her assessment is that (although she was careful to emphasize that she’s not a practicing physician) I’m potentially in a phase of life called “peri-menopause.” Which, for some women, can last up to a decade or more before menopause finally kicks in. She explained that there can be a massive hormonal change in a female during this phase of life. For some women it can be a reproductive time bomb linked directly with her biological clock - resulting in mammoth periodic surges of reproductive hormones. And those surges can be very trying on even the best marriages.
She described assisting one of her other married couples through this transition several years ago. She says that it’s very common for a healthy female at mid-life to experience a spike in testosterone, the hormone that drives sex in both biological genders. In some women (such as her prior patient), the hunt for sex that often coincides with this spike can become a waking obsession, fostering desire so incredibly intense that the female (married, single or anywhere in between) will look for sexual encounters with almost any individual that she finds attractive.
What’s somewhat odd about this condition is that it can persist throughout the female’s entire cycle but become hyper intense during ovuIation.
All of this, she emphasized, can become especially problematic when the male spouse is simply unable to keep up with his wife’s skyrocketing libido. And for the wife, the feeling of being so out of control and under the power of her baser impulses can have significant psychological consequences.
She said that, if I wouldn’t mind, she’d like to have my hormone levels checked and requested that I set up an appointment with my OBGYN for some bloodw0rk. Bottom line- she said that Knowing whether there’s some biological component to what’s driving a woman’s destructive behavior can often be a relief to both partners in the marriage.
At the end of our session She acknowledged that adopting a hotwife lifestyle as a means of coping with this change in the marital paradigm can certainly be a healthy way of addressing the needs of the wife. But it obviously requires having the fully-informed consent of the husband, which by definition also means no secret liaisons or other types of deception that can undercut the trust that’s essential to maintaining a marriage.
In terms of triage, if the primary goal is reestablishing that trust, I need to come clean with hubby. She acknowledged that it will likely be extremely uncomfortable, but it’s essential.
We’re doing it on Thursday at her office.
Gulp!
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