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Life update: I am in rehab. As some of you may know, I stru..
🕑 Added 2021-08-10 11:41:53 +0000 UTC Life update: I am in rehab. As some of you may know, I struggle with an eating disorder and have for well over a decade. Last year was actually the first time I have ever been completely relapse-free, which was a huge victory for me. Unfortunately though, I will not be celebrating a second year. This year has thrown so much at me, but apparently last week was just too much and it triggered a severe relapse that happened over an alarmingly short amount of time. Probably the second worse one since the initial hospitalization that resulted in my diagnosis so many years ago. To be honest, I am actually very scared, I forgot how mean I can be to myself. I refuse to end up in such a dangerous place again though, plus I am a lot stronger now, so I am doing my best to be more more proactive this time around. I got here yesterday. It was a long drive, I had a lot of time to think and I cried the majority of the way. I’m so mad at myself for ruining something that literally took me half of my life to accomplish. I don’t want to fucking be here, I just want to go home and spend time with my friends like a normal person. With any luck I won’t be here long; I already know what I need to do far too well, I just need help getting back on track so I can actually do it. Thankfully this time I have the want to do it as well, I have a will to live. I had a really nice night on Sunday though. My friend Lucyfera369, who I have mentioned on here before, took me out to try and raise my spirits before sending me off. We laughed, we danced, we picked a fight with some meat head, we made out at the bar so people would buy us shots, and then she held my hand as I weathered a storm of anxiety while making sure I finally ate something for the day. If you haven’t followed her yet then you should, her page is fantastic. She is such an inspiration and without her you wouldn’t have me. I apologize for seemingly being such a downer lately, I am actually a really positive person and am trying to stay that way despite all of the adversities. I want to be more open about myself though because I think transparency is healthy. In doing so I can hopefully help normalize some of these things that people don’t like to talk about (rehab, eating disorders, etc.) in the same way I have been able to do with being transgender. Plus I know a lot of you find the stories about my weird life entertaining, even if they do sometimes lean a little more towards drama than comedy. I am kind of limited where I am staying, but I am at least not locked up in a clinic and am able to stay at a friends house where I will hopefully still be able to work (fingers crossed 🤞). In the spirit of body positivity, and as a ploy to serve as my own cheerleader, here are some pictures of times when I was really proud of how I looked and how far I have come 🥰
