What I have come to realize is that this Onlyfans is really ..
🕑 Added 2021-05-17 23:44:51 +0000 UTC
What I have come to realize is that this Onlyfans is really stimulating for me, and provides me with a lot of comfort. That is also what porn does for me. I came here to Mexico with an intention to heal and to reconnect with myself, but had no idea what that would look like. What has happened since being here is I have seen on a deep level how deep my porn addiction is. I've pretty much been addicted to porn since I was in 4th grade, as most of us have lmao. However I have also uncovered a lot of repressed childhood/sexual trauma. Even more has come up since I made this video. I realized that those repressed traumas that surface in my body, I pretty much just equate to "horniness". It's an anxiety that I have felt my entire life which is what led me on my healing journey in the first place (insane anxiety, panic attacks, etc). During a period here in Mexico I went 8 days without jerking off or looking at any porn. What I realized was when these sensations arise in my body, I turn to porn or sex or coming on here or sexual chatting in general. When I for the first time, pretty much ever, truly faced these feelings of horniness/anxiety, I uncovered so many hidden memories and traumas in my body that I was actually mind blown. It's trauma that I've been running from my whole life, and keeping me in a loop. This is not to say that porn/masturbation is bad, but more so that for me personally it is a coping mechanism that I am ready to let go of, or at least take steps to build a healthier relationship with. Kind of like sobriety with alcohol, some things are good until they aren't anymore, and that's a personal journey. I wanted to post this video and make this little statement for the people who have been around with me for a while, and also to hold myself accountable for this next chapter in my life that I'm stepping into. Thank you to everyone who has subscribed and enjoyed my stuff. Feel free to message me if you want to stay in touch/know more about this stuff/assistance with any kind of personal healing or self discovery. Instagram: rainbow.sex.monkey For those that wanna stay with me haha
