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I have been raw and vulnerable Always But i feel like things..
🕑 Added 2023-07-23 05:01:37 +0000 UTC I have been raw and vulnerable Always But i feel like things have been more "matter of fact" lately. And my updates have been more literal and less about how im feeling, instead its been what has been going on. Cuz lets be real, there is never a dull day with a small human lol But how are you guys lately? Hows your anxiety? Hows your mental health been? Have you been gentle with yourself and taken time for you? While also trying to be a badass and get shit done of course. Its tough to balance but i hope youve struck it just right and are enjoying where you are right now. I have struggled deeply lately. I have been truly unhappy a lot. I think a lot of it is due to postpartum depression and having no time for myself. It is so so hard to even just find the time to brush my teeth and wash my face everyday, and its hard to feel good when i cant even do that. But Im working on it! Im working on making sure i get time for the little things. Im a better mom when my cup is full, so i can pour into others. And i know that. I need to remember to do a face mask once in a while and to take my vitamins so i feel good enough to make others feel good. Ive really truly lost big pieces of myself in motherhood so far. And i am deeply missing working right now. I miss streaming. I miss being able to make content and be creative. I miss playing with make up and outfits and taking pictures. I love my job. Like i am literally in love with it! I wanna be that 50 year old hippie still doing this! And i know things ebb and flow, and there are seasons for everything, and that this season with a small human is the season of a messy house and lack of time and a full heart. This is the time to soak in snuggles and to be there as much as i can. Cuz small humans arent small long. Logically i know this, i just really miss working. I miss the grind. Its been a long time since ive been able to do that. I know ill get back to it! But for now im sad i cant have that at the moment. Im trying to feel more in touch with myself by picking up a hobby! Ive picked up sewing again for a bit now. Ive made a few things and picked up old projects and honestly im thrilled with that! I feel like its going back to my roots. I took fashion construction when i was younger, and was sewing with my grandma even longer. So sewing and making things holds a special place in my heart and makes me feel more connected to my grandma whos no longer here as well Im trying to take on a sustainable vibe with the things ive been creating! Using scrap fabric and taking apart clothes i otherwise would have donated to good will, or just using things we didnt need around the house. So that has made me feel good about it too! Repurposing things is always awesome. And i love the eco friendly stuff, makes me feel like im making a difference even though im not lol So thats where im at. Honestly my mind is just constantly filled with day dreams about the projects for sewing i want to do 🤣 and the content i want to create and the streams i want to have. And ill get to all my ideas in due time. I know where my passions lay, and that is amazing in itself! So for now ill be patient and just go enjoy some snuggles. Take lots of deep breaths, and to try and remember to TAKE MY FUCKING VITAMINS! (Thanks for reading this sort of journal entry if you did, i miss you all more then i can ever explain and i hope this feels a little like my stream ramblings so you can just feel where my heads at. I miss chatting with you all. You guys kept me sane lol)
