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Blogpost: "Dominance" as Vulnerability and Freedom π₯Ή as a s..
🕑 Added 2022-10-18 20:15:09 +0000 UTC Blogpost: "Dominance" as Vulnerability and Freedom π₯Ή as a sub this writing resonated with me so much, for so many reasons. Please read if you are new to the space or still exploring the D/s space because there are so many types of Dommes- but making sure your submissive is safe, loved, heard, and respected should be at the top of your list. β₯οΈ What a Dom Role means to him- a writing from a dear friend and online playmate of ours β€οΈ I never sought out the role of a Dom. Instead, it's a role I took on as an organic element of the relationships I've built with my partners. For me, sexual intimacy is always entwined with intellectual and emotional intimacy, and sex has to take place in a context of open communication and unambiguous trust. Creating space where it's safe for everyone to be vulnerable, and where deep, honest communication feels natural, is my top priority for all of my close friendships, whether or not sexual intimacy is involved. That space has allowed the women who have been my partners the freedom to be open about their desires, and also about the baggage of shame and insecurity that comes from our culture's unhealthy and destructive views on women, women's bodies, and sexuality. Very often that space turns into sub space for them, a place where the trust I've earned through our friendship, and through my own vulnerability, allows them to feel safe surrendering control of their pleasure to me. It's not a desire for that control, however, that makes me a Dom. What makes me a Dom is my desire to make my partners feel safe, seen, and valued. In that safety is freedom: the freedom to explore fantasy and pleasure that feels boundary crossing or taboo, or that just feels like a rejection of puritanical mores imposed by patriarchal systems. If someone who trusts me to be their Dom doesn't feel freed by the experience, then I am not holding up my end of the bargain. The bargain is that, if they will trust me, I will keep them safe. I will protect their vulnerability, and I will protect their pleasure. Being a Dom isn't about what I ask them to do, it's about what I can offer them, and what I'm willing to do to safeguard their freedom to explore their sexual identity. Contrary to popular portrayals of "domination," one of the most important things I can do as a Dom is make myself vulnerable. I can't create a space for someone else to reveal the things that lie beneath their fears without first being open about my own fragility. I can't connect with someone else's pain, shame, and desire without being willing to share how each of those forces operates in my own head. As a result, "dominance" for me is not about control, it is about trust, trusting a partner with my honest self, and being worthy of their trust that I will protect the space where they will be most vulnerable. If I can trust them, and I can live up to their trust, then the space we create together is one where pleasure can flow unbounded and free.
