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Maaaaaaan it's been hard to be emotionally ready to address ..
🕑 Added 2024-11-15 23:31:52 +0000 UTC Maaaaaaan it's been hard to be emotionally ready to address each area I want in a single post, at the same time. Been constructing boots&matching harness while I find my words again.•First two episodes on butt stuff(ep.10) & my finally-allowed-to-be-funny sex gone wrong(ep. 30) are out now with my third episode discussing Parasocial Relationships&Online Influence coming mid-December🫂⚖️🎪🗣🎙🔊🌐🎧🤔••I feel a sense of responsibility, I feel like I'm still unlearning what's been put on my plate but isn't mine to chew (on someone else's behalf),Still figuring out my voice + accepting my brain got a lil scrambled by the mold ordeal, trying to be patient with myself/not take slip ups too seriously, and do my partner's with sincerity so the feedback I get can be meaningful (knowing full well the internet ain't for the weak)So I'm just breaking the seal going to start filling y'all in what I've been up to.I've been preparing for my third podcast interview, on parasocial relationships, with Alex+Ellie since my second one back in June (shortly before mold/move started), but it also feels like it's what I've been unconsciously building up to since my departure 2020, the work I've done since, what meaning I've made, slowing down to look back at my time online thus far. Been thinking about what comes next.I talk about the position of influencers/creators vs. evolving celebrity culture, what I'd like to hear influencers talk about&did my best to model it. Talked about politics, power of the masses, what it means to be meaningful to a passing stranger, how surreal it is to have long-term strangers but not necessarily in a bad way? but- also where I can see signs of privilege in how I have been treated, seemingly, abnormally well in my time online, relatively speaking. I talk about the cumulative effects of visibility, assumptions around attention, pressures you get prompted to face or turn away from; I talked about leaving rddit&what returning means to me + those responsibilities that come with it.Took a lot of therapy, reading, tears/self-questioning/acceptance tears, group meetings, after class parking lot talks, revisiting rddit messages, practicing/embarrassing myself/genuine vulnerability and just time... oof! I'm both glad I pushed myself to be prepared to publicly speak election week but also wiped tf out just from all the output lately. So grateful to have built up a back&forth with those two so I could peal away some layers, tease out meaning, and have that sense of play while dreaming up the nice things we'd like to build into the world:}I don't know what the future holds, but I know I can do something about shame, loneliness, pleasure, sense of connection to the bigger picture. I hope you'll all join me in building a nice time together🌈🖤
