violetsvip posts
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What's R. Kelly's favourite animal? *The Jellyfish.*
What's R. Kelly's favourite animal? *The Jellyfish.*
Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to s..
Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to sit through? *The Nutcracker.*
Poor Mr. Vinegar, he can’t catch a break. *Every time he t..
Poor Mr. Vinegar, he can’t catch a break. *Every time he turns around, he’s in a pickle!*
For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas *Ther..
For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas *There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.*
What was Lorena Bobbitt's favorite form of mischief? *Ding..
What was Lorena Bobbitt's favorite form of mischief? *Ding dong ditch.*
Did you hear they're banning all porn from the internet? *..
Did you hear they're banning all porn from the internet? *I don't know what this world is cumming to.*
After a crazy night on the town, all I can remember before b..
After a crazy night on the town, all I can remember before blacking out is paramedics approaching me with a stretcher. I guess I got carried away.
Who Flips Frankenstein's Pancakes? *Count Spatula.*
Who Flips Frankenstein's Pancakes? *Count Spatula.*
Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop. *They're absolutely ..
Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop. *They're absolutely gourd-geous.*
My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered tha..
My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats *"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.*
On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my ..
On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him... "Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" *He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"* 🙊
What do you call it when a redhead goes nuts? *A ginger sna..
What do you call it when a redhead goes nuts? *A ginger snap.*
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfor..
Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. *It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.*
Some days you eat salads and go to the gym, some days you ea..
Some days you eat salads and go to the gym, some days you eat chocolate cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. it is called BALANCE
Why did the mule farmer get arrested? He had his ass out i..
Why did the mule farmer get arrested? He had his ass out in public.
Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than ..
Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. *Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.*
Why is the moon so grouchy? It's just going through one of..
Why is the moon so grouchy? It's just going through one of its phases
Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food... *Will cost y..
Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food... *Will cost you a fortune.*
What do you call a bra in Germany? *A Stoppemfromfloppen*
What do you call a bra in Germany? *A Stoppemfromfloppen*
"Dont Touch" Must be the scariest thing a blind person can r..
"Dont Touch" Must be the scariest thing a blind person can read in Braille.
Thots are like circles. Curvy, but pointless.
Thots are like circles. Curvy, but pointless.
Everyone thinks pound cake is called "pound cake" because of..
Everyone thinks pound cake is called "pound cake" because of the ingredients But it's actually named after the place it was invented, "Pound Town", *You know, where your mom lives.*
What do sex on the beach and american beer have in common? ..
What do sex on the beach and american beer have in common? *Both are fucking close to water.*
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? *The..
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? *The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.*
I bring so many ladies back to my place and make them so hap..
I bring so many ladies back to my place and make them so happy in my bed that... *I had to buy hoe-moaners insurance*
What do you call a fake noodle? *An ImPASTA!*
What do you call a fake noodle? *An ImPASTA!*
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car *Fortunately, the da..
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car *Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor*
If you don’t like tacos- *I’m nacho type.*
If you don’t like tacos- *I’m nacho type.*
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome, which of his ..
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome, which of his friends I'd choose. *Apparently, I shouldn't have named two.*
